so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
