Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
