im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
