Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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