This girl is more easily done than said...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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