we have pet lesbian snakes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
