When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
