If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
