i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
