Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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