i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
