I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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