I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
