Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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