I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
