My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm at about main and main street
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
