My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
