you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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