Jerry, you need to find god
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
