cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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