do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
