PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
