She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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