I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
