1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
