it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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