GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
