thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
