You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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