yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
