Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
