So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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