His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
