There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
