Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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