That's intense
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
