remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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