sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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