I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
