textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
