is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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