Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
