i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
