It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
