Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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