just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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