Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
