The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
