i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
