Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
