yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
